Keep Left, Pass Right

Hi. ‘sup!

So I was driving home today and saw something in my rearview that I have seen countless times before, and it struck me that I was looking at a dangerous driver.

Let me explain.

I have a style of driving which some of my friends think is quite reckless and others think is quite granny-like. So through the law of averages I think I must be a fairly, well, average driver. And I prefer not to speed, mostly ‘cos I can’t afford fines.
But I do have my preferences in driving.

I believe that the fast lane is for people travelling at the speed limit or higher (this obviously doesn’t apply in heavy traffic ) I hate it when I’m driving down a quiet stretch of highway at 120 and there’s some cowshit asshole sitting at 95 with no one in the lane to his/her left.
If I’m not in a hurry, I’ll sometimes overtake ( or is it undertake, if I have to pass on the left?) and then, sitting right in front of them, drop to 70, until I see someone else coming up behind, and I’ll take it back up to 120. This usually makes the cowshit asshole move over a lane, its definitely more effective than sitting behind them flashing your lights.

Another thing that gets to me is when I’m driving in the middle lane cos its travelling at 120 and there are enough speed freaks swinging by at 140-160 in the fast lane to stay in the middle lane.
Then I come up behind a car that’s doing 110, or 115.

Just enough to slow me down and piss me off, but that’s not the worst bit.
So I wait, often patiently, for a gap in the fast lane.
It comes, I pull out, and as I pull alongside him he suddenly realizes that he’s not doing 120, and speeds up.
By then, I have an Audi up my ass, and I look like the douchebag travelling at middle lane speeds in the fast lane. I either have to speed, to pull ahead, or drop back behind, which usually leads to the douchebag dropping back to 110 again.

FUUUUUUUUUUUC CCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

So back to today.

I’m coming from Buccleuch to Marlboro, usually quite a fast stretch of highway.
I’m in the fast lane, as usual, doing 120, as usual.
I pull up behind a 4x4 urban pavement hopper, doing the 110 thing. So I undertake, and proceed.
Next thing I’m on a downhill, and this cowshit douchebag is suddenly up my ass doing 130 or something.

I decide fuck him, I;m not pulling over, and as we hit the next uphill stretch he starts fading again.

Then it struck me.

The ban on cellphones in cars, and associated laws/traffic suggestions, are in an attempt to keep the drivers attention where it should be. ON DRIVING!
But the guy behind me today is paying so little attention to his driving, that the slope of the road, and not his accelerator/speedo, is dictating his speed.

I wonder if you could track drivers like that, and cross reference it with, say, rear end collisions, if there would be a correlation?

Oh, yes, happy birthday to me!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

FuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFuckFucking stupid blogspot lost my post and dont even save a Fucking draft.

OK, new post.

Well, rant.

What the fuck makes a perfectly stable web page look at what I'm typing, and as soon as I reach a critical mass, 30 lines or so, web page decides, time to fucking refuckingfresh and lose all your words.

And yes, i do know what I was kinda saying and could rewrite it, but fuck that.

I did write it, and fucking IE (oh, theres your problem) fucking stole the words from me.

I will probably never rethink some of the more clever turns of phrase no matter how hard I try. (Oh please let me actually have clever turns of phrase in this thing)

Please remind me to write in word and paste to blog in future.

I'll leave you with a relevant joke:

So the devil comes to Gocd and tunes him, 'I reckon the world has changes since we decided whos boss in bible days. I want a rematch.'

So God's like, Ok, sweet.

Whatas the challenge.

So the devil's like, The world is run on computers these days, what about a programming championship?

God's cool with that, and the Jesus reckons he did a course once, so he'll represent Heaven.

So the date is set, the computers plugged in, the times ready, and GO!

Devil, he's not worried, he's been training hackers since the 80's.

Jesus is quite a bit slower, but his fundamentals are solid, and he keeps grinding away at the problem.

The devils fingers are flying faster than when that kid from Georgia handed him his ass with a fiddel.

With 20 minutes to go, Gabriel realises organising it in South Africa might have been silly, as a power cut plunges them into darkness. Computers go off, and a screams of FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! is heard from the devils side of the room.

Backup genny kicks in, and the timekeeper says 'Right, 20 minutes left, proceed'

Now the devils fingers are flying so fast over the keyboard, a passing hummingbird stops and says 'Duuuuude, thats fast'

Jesus keeps plonking away at his usual speed.

20 minutes pass, time's up, and Jesus says 'Cool, done'

The devil sreieks in disbelief. "How the home did you get all the code done in 20 m inutes.

I was going as fast as I could after the power cut, there no way you could be finished, I'm barely halfway through what I coded beofre the power went out.

So Gabriel sidles up to old Lou' and says "I thought you knew...Jesus saves"!!!

eConfusion - A new disease

I saw a video clip last night, apparently of the Joburg mayor giving an address that would make Al Pacino in Rain Man seem lucid.

He stumbles of difficult words like 'our', almost bursting into song, and eyeing the left of his position like his wife and mistress are glaring at him from that spot.

Very funny, totally indicative of the doublespeak method of saying nothing beloved by our politicians, but not quite accurate.

When I saw the video, of the 'mayor of joburg', the name Amos Masondo popped into my mind.

This morning I googled his face, and surprise surprise, is not him in the video.

Equally, a few months ago, I got a mail of a house with fishtanks in the wall that was apparently Julius Malema's one house.

Now I live in the same road as that house, and its not Julius'.

Not close.

I discovered it belings to the 'Da Silvas'

So what am I trying to say here.

We've all got mails saying 'Bill Gates will buy you a mansion if you forward this' or 'Mars will be as big in the sky as the moon' and there's much more reason for a thinking e-mail user to question the truth of these claims, and even websites like http://www.hoax-slayer.com/ that provide the truth about such things.

And usually they're a marketing scam farming email addresses, or someone out to screw with the recipient.

But in the case of the Amos and Julius mails, this angle is missing.

So why did the idiot who put that information into the mail in the first place do it?

Why say this is the mayor of Joburg speaking, when if the author has spent 20 seconds on google they would have found out otherwise.

Is it laziness? Is it a case of someone thinking they know more than they do?

Is it a wishful thinking, or based on what that oke at the bar said?

Regardless of the source, its a lie.

And now a growing number of people in email-land think that Julius Malema has fishtanks in his walls, and that Amos Masonde doesnt have glasses or a chubby face.

Will the real Mayor of Joburg please stand up...

So please, dont take everything for granted, in email or life.

Being informed is one of the most powerful tools of this age, and one of the most abused.

And google is just a click away... us it.